You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
