Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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