Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
nutella sex= disaster
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
