so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
