I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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