hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
