Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize