He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
