he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
