just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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