Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
