god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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