You work out of a Hotel?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
