Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
