Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
