Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i now understand why vodka
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
