I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
