ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
