I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
