the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize