Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i love accidental penises.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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