you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
