shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
