I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
