If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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