I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
