He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
