My sheets look like a crime scene.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think my moral compass just broke
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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