I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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