watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
