I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
