I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
