i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
