If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
