'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
