My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
