The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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