I think my vagina is haunted
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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