O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize