is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
