I can tuck mytits in my pants
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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