I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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