the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
