oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
