Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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