this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
