Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my sisters under your porch take her home
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
