i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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