How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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