True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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