Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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