We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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