in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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