just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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