Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude. I can hear the air.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
