I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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