return my video game
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
