Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my shit smells like andre
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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