I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
