What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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