I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
