I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
