My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize