I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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