If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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